Happily Single

5 Dec

lonely-woman‘So you are single’ !/?

A question/remark a single woman hears quite often. The reaction to this differs,- from annoyance to pain to stress to nothing.

‘Singledom’ isn’t a place one would like to be in, especially if you’ve grown up on a steady diet of stories which talks of ‘the happily ever after’ as a validating matrix. Women outside this sphere of ‘coupled existence sometimes get the feeling of being ‘incomplete’

Today the ‘Single woman’ badge is worn not only by unmarried women; Divorcees , Widows, Single moms and women in a loveless marriage all come under this umbrella.

Being Single comes with its own challenges – the smaller ones being, having dinner alone , being an efficient handyman around the house, struggling to zip up your little black dress ….and the bigger ones like tackling loneliness , not having someone to bounce of your decisions with and the innumerable challenges of parenting.

Whatever the challenge ; its up to you to choose to live a life that’s rich, fulfilling and as significant as anybody elses.

A common misperception is that being alone = being lonely.

In fact, the physical state of aloneness [ Solitude] is quite pleasant a feel for those who are comfortable with themselves.

It’s the emotional state of aloneness [Loneliness] that is painful –  a searing kind of pain which come from the inability to relate to another person, the inability to form a connect.

The only panacea to this is investing time to create a network of friends – A safety net . Friends provide the connection and strength that is critical for our wellbeing. Social media does help us keep in touch with friends and strangers alike but its those ‘face to face’ moments that need to be kept alive.

Sometimes we get busy in our own lives and and it seems like we’ve drifted away from friends. Make time and effort to keep your connect with them. Rituals I’ve built to stay in touch, are to have lunch together and spend some time shopping on our respective birthdays [something I thoroughly enjoy] and having standing dates like meeting every second Friday of the month

Even though you find yourself strapped for time, touch base with a weekly call – get to know what’s happening in your friend’s life.

You don’t have to be alone in your struggles…. reach out and ask for advice or a listening ear. Let friends know you rely on them.

Take advantage of your single status – Read, join a class you enjoy, Focus on building a full life , Exercise, Volunteer for a cause you are passionate about.

About being a single parent – yes its challenging, focus on one step at a time, and during times of stress …reach out to friends and family.

Quit spending all your energy wondering if you would have been happier if you had a mate – instead embrace this amazingly wondrous life and know that there will be random moments when you feel down…..and that’s ok. A good film, your favourite comforter and a lil bit of Resilience is all it takes to Bounce back.

 

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