Archive | July, 2017

Its time for a hug

18 Jul



Hugging your teen isn’t an easy task. They either wiggle their way out or else just freeze as if to say – ‘Go on, get over with it quickly.’  Not very encouraging! But believe me, for all the awkwardness they display I don’t think they mind it too much. So although Virginia Satir’s 12 hugs a day advocacy may be a little difficult to achieve; I certainly believe that every teenager needs his daily dose of affectionate physical contact from his parents.

Hug them when you see them in the morning or maybe you can make it a practice to hug them before either of you leave home for the day.

So what does a hug say- It says ‘you are special to me and I care about you’which to the teenager translates as ‘I am loved and valuable.

Most teens elect to give up on expressing or even reciprocating physical affection with parents. All the more reason you need to find those little windows of opportunities to make physical contact. Parental touch is irreplaceable. Pat them on their back; put your arms around them or even a side hug can sometimes help get through those high walls of non compliance.

Affectionate touch allows them to feel safe and secure, lowers anxiety and make them less hostile. When their behavior really drives you up the wall – lean in and give them a hug that says ‘I’m giving you a hug so that I don’t end up yelling at you; but as you hug them , what they are hearing is- ‘I’m angry but I love you’……and they need to feel that warmth and acceptance.

The adolescent years comes with a certain angst of its own.  Even though they roll their eyes in protest, they want us to reach out to them and need constant reminders that we care. Whether its just a squeeze on the shoulder or a big bear hug or ruffling their hair we need to invest in the flow of touch which will do wonders to their wellbeing.