Reminiscing

It’s the morning after Christmas;

The angels have sung ,  the baby welcomed ,  we feasted , we napped …..in short – A  day gone by in the the usual christmas style

Yet …mixed emotions  collide inside my head  as I look at my Christmas tree.  A reminder of  another year gone by ; the things I resolved to do …..and have still to do.

These weren’t difficult things nor  would they be called time consuming. When i  set them on  my ‘to do’ list it seemed  like there was  enough time to get there; but just as i  started thinking about what i  need to begin- it seemed  like they just ‘whooshed ‘ past me.

The whooshing startled , then baffled and finally i sat back in quiet resignation and watched it float past while i gave myself innumerable reasons why i couldn’t really get there.

They were always there at the back of my mind – standing tall, smiling gently as the ‘more urgent’ matters got priority. Each time they poked their head and tried to get an inch forward , more pressing matters pushed their way through and  at this point I can sheepishly add that a lot I thought I would do remained only on paper.

But there is something else I did do –I began jotting down little significant moments during the year – times when I felt happy ,Meals I really enjoyed; Stuff I bought and felt thrilled about; Gifts I received; The times I felt good about what I did ;  The people that added a little magic in my day. …..The moments that shine out the most during the course of the year.

Gazing at my Christmas tree ,   lights  twinkling through its branches – I stop and reflect on the things and people that truly matter in my life ,   The things I missed out on .  i was a little surprised at the things that  didn’t make it to my list,  Of course they were fun while they lasted but not enriching enough .

That’s it ….as the year waves goodbye,  I feel blessed and grateful for the so called ‘charming gardeners’ of my soul.  I will now lean forward and focus on things that do matter – frame goals that involve spending more time with people I love – people that bring out the best in me; Travel; Eat right; Accomplish those work goals.

Yeah ….am feeling quite awesome right now as I sit down to make this brand new list of things ide like like to spend my time doing in the coming year .  Suddenly this sparkling tree seems to be smiling at me

The Avatars we Create

I still remember vividly that evening at the fair, I wandered around mesmerized by the vibrant colours around me , my gaze riveted on the masks that hung a few feet above my head.  No two masks were alike – colourful smiling clowns, gnarled faces made of plastic, kindly faces that looked like angels…..’all tools of deception to hide the secret and sometimes wicked parts of ones intentions’ said the man with his betel stained teeth.

Years passed by and I began to understand the reasons why  one cloaks the soul.

True we all wear masks….but a few wear acceptable and friendly outer faces to hide from us their dark intentions. Often we buy into that image, not realizing that this is just a dressed up front

And then someday this mask slips and you see the real person behind his edited self.  it shocks us and we are clueless how to react – A low blow that causes our knees to buckle.

Which of the two is the real person-the one we knew earlier or the one we just saw behind the mask?

It takes a while to come to terms understanding or even getting to know the person behind the mask;  All you can do is to  Step back and take a long look at the feelings that go through your mind.

I don’t think it’s fair to judge the reasons why one needs to wear that mask.  The environment at times prompts us to be aggressive, passive, disinterested or compassionate.  There are millions of reasons why many people don’t want us to know the kind of people they really are. On a lighter note ……Sure the mirror is hostile enough!!

Acknowledging what I now feel has empowered me to make the decision to keep away from all the negativity this person unleashed.

But I wonder ……..Have we really evolved as people or have we  only gotten more creative in inventing masks that hide the true animal inside of us.