Archive | January, 2014

Awaiting New Beginnings

4 Jan

Sipping my Tea I look out of the window ….nothings different , another morning – quiet , serene , except my mind seems to be at unrest …’s the first day of the  new year and I don’t like to let it pass by without making a list of things I’d like to do in the coming year . Then again the question….why have these resolutions – I don’t follow them anyways, they are hardly creative (I keep making the same each year ) and whats the big deal about New year …..Resolutions can be made anytime.

Taking a deep breath I look back at the year that went by…and yes there are so many things I’de like to do differently….wouldn’t call them resolutions but maybe a shift from the comfort zone to a  courage zone. Maybe it’s time I need to dissect my mind and figure out some answers to questions that have long been bothering me

 What would It be like to  take that risk of  letting  go of what people thought of me and just being honest to myself and what I believe in ? Could I risk being vulnerable?

 What happened to the dreams I had when I was 14 or 24 ….where did they go by , why did I keep them aside?

Sometimes love starts off with a great beginning but ends up breaking you into two halves……do I then get cynical or fear any new love that promises a different world? Shouldn’t I enjoy the walk from day to day?

Shit happens – you tumble , fall …its neither fun nor fair, but whatever … why does one fight against the unchangeable when it  doesn’t change the reality…doesn’t  it just give you extra pain along with whatever else you have to tackle ?

Why do I always work like a beaver and yet never make known my work …..What’s wrong with self advocacy? Why do I step backwards from being associated with the excellence I create?

Forgiving heals …or so I have heard. How do I know I have really forgiven that person? Why do those painful thoughts then cloud my mind when i think of them?

Heroism in my eyes isn’t rare or for a select few ….it’s a characteristic of human nature ….if that’s so then why do I sometimes step aside instead of act? When will I begin to bare my inner heroic powers?

So many questions and yet no answers …..i look down into my cup  , the tea leaves swirl around like the thoughts in my mind.  Are there any answers or does one make their own choices through personal contemplation and then go on to live by them.  

For now its blurred vision and I am slowly learning to navigate through the fog.

 If the last year was the incubation stage then 2014 will surely be my ‘Aha’  moment.