I Can’t do it all..You Can’t do it all either

21 Jul

Is anything bothering you?’ I asked as I saw her trying her best to appear calm while all along she was as jumpy as a March Hare.

‘Strong Susan’ we called her. My best friend- always ready to offer advice, lend a helping hand and always spurned a helping hand.  She never ever asked for help – in fact she felt pretty offended if any of us even remotely suggested any kind of assistance.

 “Crutches “she called them. “I don’t need any; I can manage on my own” she would belligerently insist.  “Asking for help makes you look weak “

Looking at her I saw a different emotion in her eyes – Fear.

Fear!!! And strong Susan……what was she afraid of I wondered.

 Afraid that people would judge her or see her as incompetent?

  Afraid that she might come across as unsuccessful and weak?  

Afraid that if others know about her personal matters – she would be known as someone who cannot manage her life?

Afraid that she’d be bothering others with her problems?

Afraid that asking for help will make her less of a “giver” that she is?

This kind of fear is destructive – holds people back , creates a kind of stress that tips ones physical and emotional scales.

As for my part I live on these ‘Crutches’.  It makes my load lighter.

Whether I am begging for divine intervention  or enlisting a friend to help me with understanding how to use the ATM or asking a friend to get me my medication , I pretty much walk around hollering “Help wanted”.

Yes its scary at times, I do  get hurt sometimes and people occasionally  have opinions and reactions to what you ask or how you ask- but I have given myself the permission and remind myself that it’s not just  OK but also essential to request support

Asking for help is empowering, helps me connect with people. It frees me from being a giver all the time to also being comfortable in receiving help. Real strength I am convinced lies in being aware of your strengths and weaknesses and the ability to ask for assistance when you need it.

To me struggling alone is a choice to grow weak.

As Lena Horne says – It’s not the load that worries you, it’s the way you carry it.  I have my network of support who have repeatedly confirmed to me the fact that when in need – ASK.   No one is going to waltz into your mind and understand your predicament and offer to help.

I am not one that wants to be the ‘purrrrfect’ lady that magazines and advertisements peddle.  I believe that – When the going gets tough-the tough ask for help!!!










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