Feeling Alive

6 Apr

Day after day …..streets are crowded with people rushing about their daily chores….being alive , staying alive , feeling alive .

Looking at their faces I wonder- how do they “live”?

Do they gallop through their days , do they trot at an easy pace , do they amble through life stopping by to examine their fears ?

Are their hearts open to being wounded?

Would they be able to be okay being imperfect  or treat themselves kindly if they weren’t  good enough ?

Do they feel comfortable to speak about things they are afraid of ; willing to put themselves in a position where they could be hurt ?

Do they live their lives whole heartedly?

So what is this thing that makes us feel alive , makes us feel we belong?  After all isn’t that what we all want – the feeling of belongingness.

The feeling of something being out there that I cant lay a hand on is pretty disconcerting and uncomfortable ….And that’s when I realized that I don’t need to have all the answers or always be perfect.

I suppose being alive would  also mean feeling Fear , Pain , grief , Betrayal -What happens to all these  emotions   –  do I try to deaden them or do I embrace them as a part of me and experience them fully and completely ?

Can I deaden emotions selectively? If I were to repress the painful emotions would I then be able to experience the joy and love that comes with being alive?

Do I believe that I am worthy of  being loved?  Am I kind to myself?  Am I comfortable being who I am or always trying to be who I think I should be?

Do I have the courage to feel adequate with  my  flaws  ?

I think I’ve found the answer.   Its what Madeline L’Engle says – To be alive is to be vulnerable.

Its  to be authentic and real

To open my heart to love and joy and gratitude is to be truly alive.

To believe that  “I am and I feel complete” makes me feel worthy of connection ….and when I feel connected …..I feel ALIVE

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